Bringing Home Stray Cats
by Sparks and Sharps
Summary: AU. Oneshot. Not many people look forward to meeting their boyfriend's parents, including Kotetsu. Especially Kotetsu. Some swearing.


_This is a kink meme fill for a prompt that an unorphaned Barnaby bringing Kotetsu home to meet his parents. It's an AU in that For Want of a Nail sense: a certain someone was not a parent-murdering douchewaffle. Other than that, it's relatively the same universe, give or take a couple of things. Parent-murdering douchewaffle has, after all influenced a number of the show's events in the name of self interests._

* * *

><p>Barnaby never expected to get a job maintaining and upgrading powered superhero suits straight out of graduate school. He also never expected to find himself falling in love with one the hero whose suit he worked on.<p>

Wild Tiger had joined Apollon Media some time after Barnaby had, when the company bought out TopMaG. His contract as a hero was still good for a year, and it would be cheaper to let it expire on its own than breach it, so Maverick suggested that he could be used to test the new suits that had been in development out on the field.

Barnaby had worked for quite some time on the one they had lined up for him. He did his internship helping with the design. It was his baby. Thus, he was _not_ happy to hear that Wild Tiger had no intention of wearing it.

Insulted that the washed up has-been would dismiss his work, Barnaby called Wild Tiger into the lab to have a word with him about it personally.

"So, I hear that you're more interested in wearing your old costume than something that could actually _protect_ you, Mr. Tiger"

"I've been doing just damn fine with it for the last ten years. I don't need it replaced by one of your glitchy toys to save lives!"

"Maybe not to save lives, old man, but at least you wouldn't look like a complete ignoramus on television."

It was neither one of his nor Wild Tiger's better moments.

Having his work rejected like that was humiliating. Barnaby remained in a terrible mood for the rest of the day. He spent the entire evening seething and didn't bother to answer any of the calls he had received until late the next day.

When he finally got around to it, he found an unexpected message from Wild Tiger: A rather sincere apology for his behavior ("I know it sounds stupid, but I kind of have an attachment to that old suit. Still, that doesn't really excuse what I did. I really shouldn't have said all that to you...") and an offer to buy Barnaby dinner to make up for it.

Reluctantly, Barnaby agreed to the offer and discovered to his surprise that Wild Tiger – or Kotetsu T. Kaburagi, rather – could be a rather charming man.

"Mr. Kaburagi, may I ask why you're putting mayonnaise on your steak?"

"Well, what else would I use to draw a tiger on it?"

And a very dorky one. Still, it was cute. Barnaby never thought the word "adorable" could apply to a scruffy, if handsome man in his mid-thirties, but it was almost stupidly appropriate for Kotetsu.

The night was enjoyable, enough that Barnaby agreed with Kotetsu to do something like it again. That next date lead to another, and so did the ones after that. They began sharing more and more of their free time together. Casual nights out became much more intimate affairs. Secrets were swapped between them. Personal boundaries between them began to dissolve, and Kotetsu had taken to giving him utterly embarrassing pet names ("Bunny? Why am I a bunny now?" "Because you thump your foot like a cute little rabbit when you're annoyed. Therefore, Bunny"). One night, after maybe one too many drinks, Barnaby tried something he would otherwise never even _think_ about – he kissed Kotetsu straight on the lips.

And, after a brief moment of shock, Kotetsu kissed him right back.

That was eight months ago. They had been dating officially since.

It had been a very good eight months too. Barnaby's days just felt brighter. Kotetsu's improved mood could be seen in his work. (The sudden jump from sixth to third in HeroTV's rankings caught even Kotetsu himself by surprise). The occasional hitches in their relationship were manageable. They were both happy.

But they had a problem now: Barnaby's parents found out he was dating.

Oh, Barnaby wasn't worried about their reaction to his dating a man. He had come out to them years before, when a round of college experimentation turned out to be quite a bit more than that. It went better than he had expected. They were supportive. Frustratingly ignorant ("Well, I guess that explains why you like pink." "No, mom, it actually doesn't."), but supportive.

No, the problem was that they wanted to _meet_ the new boyfriend.

"Bunny, I'm not going to come out of this alive, am I?"

"You'll be _fine_. My parents are roboticists, not vampires."

"I have a feeling that won't make things much easier. Do they know your boyfriend is a cradle-robbing old man?"

"Look, Kotetsu, they'll like you just fine - as long as you stop panicking and self-deprecating like this." Barnaby frowned as he adjusted his boyfriend's vest. Kotetsu needed to stop selling himself short so much.

Still, as much as Barnaby hated to admit it, he did have a bit of a point. Mom and Dad had dropped hints as to what they expected in a future son-in-law. Bisexual, middle-aged, widower superhero with the heart of a ten-year-old fanboy was not it.

Finished with Kotetsu's collar, Barnaby stepped back to inspect his work. Kotetsu managed to look quite suave, actually. Maybe he could hold up that illusion for the rest of the night.

"Are you sure I can't wear my Mr. Legend socks? They're lucky. I'm going to need that."

Or not.

Oh well. At least it wouldn't be a _boring_ night.

* * *

><p>Kotetsu was not looking forward to this for a number of reasons.<p>

Reason number one: Barnaby's parents were scientists. Not just any scientists, but top of their class, Ivy league, wrote their doctoral thesis on concepts Kotetsu could barely _pronounce_ scientists. Some idiot with an associate's in criminal justice from some no-name school – something he only got to appease the Justice Bureau, no less – was not going to impress them in the least.

Reason numero dos: There was one hell of an age difference to justify and, as far as he knew, Barnaby was ever so courteous and had decided to _completely fail to mention this to his parents. _(Seriously, he loved Barnaby, but sometimes he wondered if the kid just liked to see him squirm.) Most parents would not be happy to discover that their son was dating someone eleven years their senior, especially when he had officially violated the half-plus-seven rule of skeevyness for the first half of their relationship. This was even _before_ Kaede was factored in. "Hey, how do you feel about your son becoming the stepfather of a girl that was born before he was even halfway done high school?" Yep, that would go well.

Reason letter C (what? Kotetsu liked variety.): The superhero thing. No doubt that Mr. and Mrs. Brooks would be more than a little worried that their future son-in-law puts himself in front of armed robbers for a living. Should he even _tell_ them that he was a hero? Probably not, but then what would he tell them when they inevitably asked what he did for a living?

And the last reason, which he had just come up with right now: Holy shit, that house was _huge_. Nobody told Kotetsu that Barnaby's parents lived in a castle. _Dracula_'s castle.

Yep, this was going to be fun. Still he wasn't going to run. He was a hero, dammit! A hero had to be prepared with every threat, from nefarious super villains to intimidating in-laws!

Barnaby noticed the nervous look on his face and wrapped an arm around Kotetsu's own. Kotetsu wasn't sure if it was to comfort him, or to keep him from escaping. Maybe both. "Are you ready, Kotetsu?" he asked.

"No, but I'm going to do this anyways because I love you so much I'm willing to suffer horribly for it." Kotetsu swallowed. "Or I'm a masochist. I'm not sure which."

"You don't have to be so melodramatic. It's not going to be that bad."

"I have done this before. I assure you: it _will_." Kotetsu still had flashbacks to when he and Tomoe went through their round of parental interrogation. You want to know what's fun? Trying to explain that your long list of high school truancies and delinquent activity were actually part of your self-imposed hero training to your girlfriend's conservative and education-oriented father. He still wasn't sure just how he managed to get out of that alive.

Barnaby frowned. "Kotetsu, my parents are very nice people."

"So's my mom. That just makes them _worse_."

"Let's just go in right now, okay? We'll deal with what we have to when it comes up, okay?"

Kotetsu sighed, defeated. Both of them were quite aware that this whole conversation was just a way of stalling anyhow. "Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry. Just one thing at a time."

"Good." Barnaby walked up to the front door, hands still locked on Kotetsu's arm. One buzz of the doorbell, and they were greeted by a woman Kotetsu presumed to be Mrs. Brooks. Her eyes widened with excitement and she rushed to hug her son, not at all bothering to notice Kotetsu was still attached to him.

"Barnaby! We've been waiting for you to come back." As she drew away from her embrace, Kotetsu took the opportunity to examine her.

With her hair stark white and her face heavily lined with age, she looked looked quite a bit older than Kotetsu had imagined – more like she would be his own mother rather than Barnaby's. There didn't appear to be much of a family resemblance either. Maybe Barnaby took after Mr. Brooks instead.

Mrs. Brooks appeared to have noticed him, and gave a wide smile. "And this must be your partner. Kotetsu Kaburagi, is it?"

"Er, yeah. That would be me." Nervously, Kotetsu's fingers darted to his suddenly itchy neck. "I'd like to, uh, thank you for giving me a chance to introduce myself to you like this."

"Oh, aren't you sweet." Her eyes scanned him a bit before she continued. "And handsome too! I can see why Barnaby's taken a liking to you."

… You know what? Kotetsu took everything he said about this whole thing back. Barnaby had amazing parents, and this was going to be a perfectly enjoyable night. Relief flooded him faster than anything.

"Oh, you don't have to say that. You're son's too good for me, really." Kotetsu was much more relaxed when he spoke this time. However, whatever he said just now didn't seem to agree with Mrs. Brooks. She tilted her head and pursed her lips in confusion.

"Son? Barnaby's not my son."

...Wait, what? "He's _not?_"

"No, of course not! I don't have a son. Just a daughter, and she lives halfway across the country."

Okay, this wasn't making much sense. Was Barnaby her stepson or something? No, that couldn't be right. Barnaby would have at least explained _that_, even if he did sometimes keep a frustrating amount of useful information to himself.

It was at that point that Barnaby decided to take the reigns of the conversation. "I should probably introduce you two properly," he said, doing a much better job at not looking nervous than Kotetsu ever could. "Kotetsu, this is the family housekeeper and my nanny, Samantha Taylor."

"Wait, so she's not..."

The supposed "Mrs. Brooks" put a hand over her mouth, her expression slightly surprised. "Oh, you mistook be for Mrs. Brooks? Oh no, that's definitely not me!"

And lo, Kotetsu's sudden hope was all for naught, for it was not two minutes into his mighty quest and he had already succeeded in making a complete fool of himself. Seriously, though, how did he keep doing things like this?

"Oh God, I'm terribly sorry Mrs... Mrs..."

"It's Samantha, Kotetsu."

"Samantha. That's right! Thanks, Bunny. Mrs. Samantha, I'm terribly sorry for my mistake and..." Wait, something wasn't right.

"Bunny? Who's this Bunny?"

_That's_ what it was. That would make three screw ups in less than thirty seconds. Maybe he could break some world record if he kept going like this. "I'm sorry. I mean Barnaby. I didn't mean to call your so- I mean your _charge _Bunny. At least not in front of you... Wait, no. Not _ever_. Right, Bu-_Bar_naby?"

"How about we come inside?" Barnaby asked. He was smiling politely, but Kotetsu could see the tiny hints that he was trying rather hard not to cringe.

Samantha, bless her soul, at least seemed amused by all of this. She let out a small laugh. "Sure. You two boys find a seat in the living room while I go fetch Mr. and Mrs. Brooks." Stepping aside, she let Kotetsu and Barnaby in before taking her leave.

Kotetsu wondered what was going on in Barnaby's head right now, because Kotetsu himself just wanted to cry.

* * *

><p>Kotetsu was certain that this next woman was the real Mrs. Brooks. Barnaby may as well have been cloned from her.<p>

She came in with a man Kotetsu refrained from assuming was Mr. Brooks, because he was not going to make that mistake twice in the same ten minutes (especially when, unlike Mrs. Brooks, he didn't seem to resemble his son in the slightest). He and the female Barnaby simulacrum proceeded to ignore Kotetsu in favor of doting on their Barnaby. Kotetsu would be vaguely insulted if he wasn't subject to parental tunnel vision himself on occasion.

"Barnaby, sweetie, I thought I told you to call us once a week. You know how worried your father gets if you don't."

Barnaby chuckled as he tried to pry himself from his alleged father's grasp. "I'm sorry, mom. Work is hectic, so it kind of slips my mind sometimes."

"Well, at least try to return our calls sooner. I had to talk him out of filing a missing person's report twice already.

"Son, have you been eating all right?" Oh hey, Kotetsu had confirmation. "You're looking awfully thin."

Kotetsu, against his better judgment, decided to insert himself into the family conversation. "I wish I could say he was, Mr. Brooks. He eats like a rabbit. I can hardly get him to try anything I make."

While Barnaby gave Kotetsu what he recognized as the "I refuse to eat fried rice tree times a day" look, his parents finally took notice of their son's beau. Mrs. Brooks made a small noise of surprise.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry! We completely ignored you, didn't we?" she motioned to herself and her husband. "I'm Emily, and this is my husband, Barnaby. Barnaby Sr., that is."

Kotetsu took note of her expression. He had mastered the game of Spot the Feeling I Am Trying to Hide in the eight months and change he had been together with Barnaby, and Mrs. Brooks wasn't nearly as good at it as her son was. Sure, she had a pleasant, if apologetic, smile on, but Kotetsu was quite aware that she was thinking: "Oh dear. I was hoping for someone younger and with less ridiculous facial hair. Perhaps my son is enthralled with his winning personality."

Actually, that last bit wasn't in there, but Kotetsu could dream.

"Kotetsu," he offered. "Kotetsu T. Kaburagi. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Brooks. And it's okay. I know what it's like to not see your kid in awhile."

It was less than a second before Kotetsu realized just what he had implied.

"Oh, so you have a little niece or nephew back at home?" Yes. Niece. Let's go with that. Not a daughter. Niece.

"Actually, dad, Kotetsu has a ten-year-old daughter."

… Goddammit, Barnaby. This was for insisting on wearing his lucky Mr. Legend socks, wasn't it?

Kotetsu winced as he prepared for the barrage of questions. _Those_ questions. Oh, you have a daughter! When did you adopt her? Wait, you didn't? but I thought you were _gay_... Bisexual? That means you used to be straight, right? Oh, don't be like that. I was just _curious_...

"Oh, _son_. You _have_ been listening to us!"

… Eh?

Kotetsu let his mouth hang, not quite comprehending the words that just came out of Mrs. Brooks' mouth. He decided to clarify his confusion as eloquently as he could manage.

"... _Eh?_"

Mr. Brooks gave a hearty laugh. Barnaby jumped in to offer an explanation.

"When I first came out, my parents said I still owed them grandchildren."

"Honestly, we were just joking," Mr. Brooks added, "But we're certainly happy that he took our words to heart. Who knew he would be dating a family man!"

Kotetsu pouted, and his eyes narrowed at Barnaby. The unspoken message was: "You planned this, you evil genius. You _knew_ this was going to happen, didn't you?"

Barnaby answered with an amused smile that Kotetsu read as: "Didn't I say this would go just fine? You should trust me more."

"We should probably be heading to the dining room," said Mrs. Brooks, interrupting the silent exchange. "I'm sure Samantha is already finished bringing everything out. Do you like filet mignon, Kotetsu?"

"I don't know, but I'm definitely willing to find out." That was a bit of a lie. Kotetsu had it before, but not without a thorough mayonnaise coating. Still, he'd promised Barnaby that he'd be good and at least _try_ what his parents offered without the condiment.

"Well, good. Just come with us." Kotetsu actually noticed that Mrs. Brooks seemed to be happy with him. _Genuinely_ happy with him. Smiling, he followed her into the dining room. For the first time, he was actually looking forward to this dinner.

He _told_ Barnaby those socks were lucky.

* * *

><p>Barnaby really should have seen this coming.<p>

He hadn't been nearly as worried about his parents approving of Kotetsu as Kotetsu himself was. Was his boyfriend what they expected? No, but Barnaby just had to make sure that Kotetsu shattered expectations in a good way – and he did. After that, it was simply a matter of letting him work the dorky charm he naturally exuded.

And it was working. In fact, it was working _too_ well. Mom and Dad had taken enough of a liking to Kotetsu that... well...

"...Did you know he used to lisp until he was twelve? It was _so_ adorable."

"I certainly wish I could see that, Mrs. Brooks."

"Oh, please just call me Emily. And you can, actually. He still does it if he gets too emotional."

"_Sstop it_, Mom!"

"See?"

Barnaby had considered a lot of factors before he brought Kotetsu to see his parents. He had accounted for the age difference and daughter. There had been a plan for when Mom and Dad asked what Kotetsu did for a living (although that was almost nearly botched when Kotetsu instinctively blurted, "Saving lives, of course!" They were damn lucky the agreed upon cover story was that Kotetsu was an EMT.) and, despite Kotetsu's own thoughts, his relentless dorkiness was actually a perk in this sort of situation. This was a family of unapologetic nerds, after all.

What Barnaby _hadn't_ expected was that his mom would whip out all of his embarrassing childhood photos and stories for Kotetsu to see and hear.

She flipped through the pages until she stopped at one featuring Barnaby in a familiar blue suit. "This was from Halloween a number of years back. He'd insist on going as Wild Tiger every year since he was fourteen." Her laugh was criminally innocent, considering the character assassination she was committing against her son. "He was a huge fan of his, although he'll never tell anyone now."

"So he _was_, was he?" Kotetsu gave an annoyingly smarmy grin as his eyes briefly met Barnaby's. Barnaby knew he would never hear the end of it when they left.

"Oh, definitely. He made the costume himself, even. And it's funny that you call him Bunny, because up until he was sixteen, there was this little stuffed rabbit that-"

"_Why musst you do this to me?_" Barnaby shouted, his face hot with embarrassment. Kotetsu only laughed at the outburst.

"Oh hey, there it is again! I can't unhear it now."

Any further words Barnaby had to say were lost, because all he could think now was _ARRRRRRGH!_ Deciding to avoid the inevitable aneurysm that would result from remaining here any longer, he bolted up from the couch and stormed out of the living room. You'd think his NEXT powers were active, the way he slammed the door.

Unfortunately, he could still hear the two continue with their evil game through the wall.

"So, any chance I might be able to see photos of him in cute little bunny pajamas?"

"I'm not actually sure we have any of... Oh, wait. Here we go!"

...That's it. Kotetsu wouldn't be sleeping on the couch – it was the _floor_ for him tonight.

* * *

><p>Kotetsu came out the door in a much better mood than he had come in.<p>

It was quite late now, with the sky as pitch as it was. Just before the front steps, Kotetsu smiled boldly and shook Mrs. Books' hand with two of his own. "It was great meeting you, Mr. and Mrs. Brooks."

Mr. Brooks grinned back. "We could say the same to you. It's great knowing that Barnaby has someone who'll take proper care of him."

"If you're ever in the area again, feel free to drop us a line," Mrs. Brooks added, resting her free hand on her cheek. "We'd be happy to have you over any time."

"That's a generous offer, Emily. I'm sorely tempted to take you up on it next-"

"_No._" Barnaby's icy voice came from the bottom of the steps. Kotetsu winced at the sound of it.

"Er, I think I should get going now. It looks like Bunny wants so leave."

A light laugh arose from Mrs. Brooks. "Oh, it looks like you're right. Bunnies are so impatient, aren't they?"

"_Mom._"

Wary of her son's eavesdropping, she leaned into Kotetsu's ear. "Try not to keep him up too late tonight. He gets cranky when he's tired."

"Will do," Kotetsu said, giving the Brooks parents a final wave before heading down the steps. When he took his place at Barnaby's side, he saw that his boyfriend was trying hard not to let a massive grimace mar his expression.

He grinned evilly. There was just a bit more fun to be had. As they walked to their car, Kotetsu began to talk.

"So, Bunny, I was thinking about what Emily was saying about that old Wild Tiger suit you made..."

"Kotetsu."

"Halloween's coming up pretty soon, and I know you don't usually go trick-or-treating any more, but I think it'd be awesome if we could go as a pair. You know, I would be Mr. Legend while you would go as the greatest hero that was ever inspired by Mr. Legend! That would be Wild Tiger, of course. You probably knew that, though, what with you being a big Wild Tiger fan and all."

"_Kotetsu._"

"I already told Emily to see if she could find it. I know you haven't worn it since you were eighteen, but I have a feeling we won't have to let it out much. Or at all... Come to think of it, you'd end up being a pretty scrawny Wild Tiger, wouldn't you? Seriously, you are the least fluffy bunny I have ever met, Bunny. Oh well. Maybe we could get some of those silicone muscle molds and-"

"_KOTETSSU!_"

_There_ we go!

The lisped name triggered raucous laughter from Kotetsu. Barnaby, realizing what he was just tricked into doing, huffed and turned away to hide his (now likely red) face. Kotetsu didn't need to see it to know that he was thoroughly screwed when they got home... That was a bad phrase for it actually. It was in all likeliness that he would spend the next night or two decidedly _not _being screwed, among other things.

Whatever. Barnaby could make him outside sleep in a tent for a week and not put a dent in his mood right now, because this night?

It was _worth it_.

* * *

><p>Some time later, inside the living room of the Brooks home, when Kotetsu and Barnaby were too far for even NEXT-powered ears to here, Mr. and Mrs. Brooks had the following conversation:<p>

"He was a wonderful fellow, don't you think, Emily?"

"Oh yes. I don't think I'd mind having Wild Tiger for a son in law."

"Yeah, he'll take good care of Jr... Wait, did you just say...?"

"That Kotetsu is Wild Tiger? Oh, sweetie, couldn't you _tell?_"

"Well, it just seems a little unlikely that-"

"At the beginning of this HeroTV season, Wild Tiger's sponsorship changes to Apollon Media, where our son works. Within that week our son just _happens_ to meet a man of the same height, build, approximate age, and general demeanor as the hero in question. Yep, it sounds entirely unlikely that he's Wild Tiger."

"... You know, I actually feel stupid now for not realizing it."

"Well, If it makes you feel better, you didn't see Wild Tiger out of his suit on TV two nights ago. For all that legalese they put into secret identity liability contracts, you'd think that they'd try harder than just a domino mask to hide their hero's secret identity."

"Yeah, it seems strange... Hey, Emily sweetie."

"Hmm?"

"Are you worried? You know, that something could happen to one of them?"

"I would be lying if I didn't say I was at least a little... but I think they'll be okay. They'll protect each other."

"Heh. I guess you're right... Jesus, I think it's almost eleven."

"It is? Oh how did we let it get this late?"

"I don't know, Emily, but I think it's time to turn in."

"Actually, do you mind going ahead without me? I just realized that I have a grant proposal to proofread before I send it in the morning."

"Okay. Goodnight, sweetie."

"Goodnight."

* * *

><p>Emily Brooks waited for her husband to leave the living room before she got up herself. She didn't head to her home office. Instead, she made her way upstairs, beyond the second floor and to the attic.<p>

Her hand pulled a thin thread hanging from above upon entering, and a dim light filled the cramped room. Dusty boxes were strewn all over the place and stacked on top of each other, organized by date only in the loosest sense. Luckily, what she was looking for was only stashed away about five or six years ago. It wouldn't take her long to find it.

Climbing over some of the newer boxes, she found what she was looking for sitting atop a large, wooden chest. It was a cardboard box not much different from the rest. Its only distinction was a handwritten label that read "Clothing (other)."

Emily removed the box from its resting place and carried it to a spot where it would be easier for her to sit down and open it. She almost tripped on the way – it was hard navigating a poorly lit attic with a heavy load – but she made it without dropping the box. Gently, she set it down before crouching over and opening it.

Inside were a number of costumes – some silly, some painstakingly made. The one she was looking for was both. She found it with only a little effort, folded neatly under a couple of theater capes.

In her hands rested Barnaby's old Wild Tiger costume. It was a little faded but still in reasonable condition. Recalling Kotetsu's last words that night, Emily Brooks smirked.

He could think of it as an early wedding gift.

_-End-_

* * *

><p><em>In case you're wondering: Yes, Barnaby's lisp is canon. He starts pronouncing sh as th when he's more shouty and emotionally unstable (Also when he's singing his little image song). You can't unhear it once you notice it.<em>


End file.
